you suck. and i'm a jerk.

Really. I just want to be happy again. I know that once upon a time, I was happy. I was really happy. I meant I was fine when I said I was fine. I didn’t have to hide my feelings. I was fine.

Now this bullshit. I don’t even know why. I’m having flashbacks. And hearing voices. And I’m too embarrassed to talk about them. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone anything, because I know that they’ll look at me differently.

And sometimes I do have the courage to speak up about anything. But I don’t know who to talk to. Because everyone else seems so caught up in themselves. And I don’t blame them, because hell, they have their own problems. And I have mine and well, what the fuck. Am I suppose to tell them all my problems? While they have theirs?

Isn’t that being selfish? Isn’t that being fucked up? I sure as hell is. And it’s wrong of me to do that. So, I won’t.

I’m such a goddamn bitch. I’m sure that Adam feels like shit because I’m feeling like shit. You know? I mean, when he feels like shit I do too. This is bullshit. I fucking hate this crap. It’s been two goddamn months already. This is crap. I don’t like this. I fucking hate it. And I don’t know what to do. It isn’t like I can go out and hang out with someone. Anyone that I would want to hang out with is busy. And besides, my parents won’t let me. I’m 16 and I wish they wouldn’t care. All my friends get to do shit and I get to stay home. They’re trying to give me what they didn’t have. I wish they would try less.